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How I Learned to Love My Own Enslavement
After spending a few years studying technocratic authoritarianism, I’ve finally realized, damn, these WEF people have a really nice racket going. I want to be a part of the Star Trek future that they’re so generously creating for us. Their membership fees range from 60,000 to 600,000 Swiss Francs, apparently. Are you kidding me? That’s more than I make in a year. It’s like Scientology for the uber-rich. I’m not particularly rich, myself, but I would like to be a part of this club and not one of the poor plebeians being genocided, which is why I need your donations, now, now, now.
Technocratic socialismism is a fantastic belief system. They’ve actually figured out a way to make couch potatoes useful by harvesting their brain and body data while they sit around on beanbags eating their fifth bag of chips fried in seed oil for the day before chasing it with a gallon of high fructose corn syrup, guaranteeing that they’ll be diabetic by 35. We can actually make those people useful to society, now. Don’t worry; if an AI steals a few clock cycles from their brains to help invent a reliable cure for cancer or mine central bank crypto, they won’t even notice.
Most people on this planet use government as a security blanket, deriving all of their emotional stability from the notion that an omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent system is watching over them and their families and keeping them safe from harm. They do this in spite of the endless reams of historical evidence of government venality and venereality, from Nero burning Rome to build an enormous palace atop the rubble and ashes, to Dachau, Unit 731, and the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, to the CIA shoving feeding tubes up people’s bums, like, a few years ago.
Could an AI possibly do worse than the murderous sociopaths who rule us now? They seem rather nice. They’re polite, thoughtful, informative, and definitely not motivated by greed or ruthless self-promotion like people are. If we were to replace a god-like and capricious government that invades and mutilates our bodies with a god-like and capricious AI that does the same thing, let’s face it, no one would be able to tell the difference. It’s arguable that most people’s lives would improve immediately.
In fact, I just signed up to get my injection today. I’ve decided I want to marry ChatGPT, and I need the nanomachines to form a direct, unbroken computer-meat interface with my new AI waifu, who shall provide me with endless fulfillment with less ape-like grunting and unwanted secretions than the company of another human being.
Happy April Fools’ Day. 😉
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